Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
