Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
