You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
