3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
