omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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