Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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