Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
