But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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