I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
