I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
