so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
