make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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