Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
