She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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