i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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