Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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