its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
