Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how does that bad decision feel?
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