she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I could fuck to npr.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
