i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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