I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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