Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
