he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so let's talk penis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
