If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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