Me. At least after what I've been through.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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