I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
