It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
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