he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
