100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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