Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
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I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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