Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
