did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
