Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
