we're blogging at a bar
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
