I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
