Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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