I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
