I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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