I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
