My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm getting married
To pizza
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
