It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
