just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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