I got chris browned last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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