Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
