I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize