She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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