i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
