There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
