Girls should come with a carfax report
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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