Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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