I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
