I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
