i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
