Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
