shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
