Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
