Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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