Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He better not be in your backpack
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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