if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
