Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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