i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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