So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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