I just cut my nipple shaving
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
