I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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