This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
