Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
