My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
