everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
