I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
