just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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