Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
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