Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
