No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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