You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My bed smells like the plague
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