I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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